Why Not Me?
by Lyaksandra
Summary: Even great men can think they are doing others a service, when in all truth, it's quite the opposite.


General John Connor sat on the edge of his bed grabbing his head with both hands. In hopes of easing the pain in his heart, he had drunk until he was wasted. Neither the alcohol nor the woman lying on his bed had done anything to help.

It was one of those days. Many dead, including a close friend. A victory against Skynet, alas a pyrrhic one.

The war was going well. More than well, perfect. At least in the grand scheme of things.

In the personal level though, many soldiers were starting to crumble. Even the General had felt the burdens of war and death slowly eroding his will. The toll was great, but he alone had to endure, so that everyone else could go on.

_We rise, or fall on your shoulders. Humanity rises or falls._ John recalled the words from his now long gone uncle. Another casualty in this madness, this war to save humanity from its own brainchild.

Tears started welling in his eyes. His lips trembled.

It was one of those days. He was going to need her.

"Go away," John ordered, trying to sound as nice as possible.

A sleepy head rose from under the sheets. "What was that?" The woman asked innocently.

"I need you to go away, please." He replied, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

"Oh," the woman sounded slightly dejected, "I'll leave immediately General." She gathered her clothing, donned her underwear, and left the room without another word.

John couldn't help but let out a small snort. How funny it was, she had sounded dejected, but why? In the end she was still calling him General. Just as the women were toys for him, he was a toy to them. A glorified toy.

He walked out of the room, reconsidering if he should really call the cavalry. Recently she had been behaving oddly around him.

"Cameron!" John Connor yelled at the top of his lungs.

Not a minute had passed, when a tall and thin brunette quickly walked into the area with efficient steps.

She quickly strode to the staggering man, to help him back to his room. Without saying anything, Cameron sat him in the corner of the bed, and turned to lock the door.

When she turned back again towards the bed, John was already in front of her.

He cupped her face with one hand, and kissed her tenderly. Cameron didn't respond the kiss or even closed her eyes to simulate she enjoyed it.

"How is my fairy doing today?" John asked in a sweet tone of voice that no one else knew existed.

"Fine." Cameron replied in a flat tone. "You reek of alcohol. The levels in your blood exceed the safe limit by 40 percent. You need to…" She was unable to finish because John covered her mouth with his hand, and then walked to sit on the bed.

"It's nice to know, that while I'm kissing the queen of my universe, she's just kissing another patient."

Cameron simply tilted her head to one side.

"You didn't understand that?" John inquired.

"I did. What I don't understand is why you are so upset. The room smells of recent sexual intercourse. The pheromones produced by your brain should keep you in a state of happiness for close to an hour."

"Wow, leave it to a machine to suck all the romanticism from the act."

Her only response was lowering her eyes. Then she turned and walked towards the door.

"I need to do my rounds." Cameron stated.

"Hey!" he yelled, "come on. I'm sorry Cameron. I'm drunk and miserable; I don't know how that slipped from my tongue. Please stay."

She stopped, and even though she would rather not, she returned to the bed, and sat beside John.

"What do you need?" Cameron asked staring at the darkness in front of her.

"I want to talk, like we always do."

"So talk." Was her simple response.

Of course John knew better than that. He could tell he wasn't the only one in need of venting.

"My problems can wait for now. Tell me what's wrong. Do you think I haven't noticed your attitude change in the last month? And today it's worse than ever."

"There is nothing wrong; my mind is just busy with tactical plans. We have sustained heavy losses in the latest attacks against Skynet, and that's undermining the people's morale."

"Yeah, I can tell." John sighed. "Your mind is apparently so busy, you can't even come up a decent lie."

Turning her head to look at him, Cameron made a small frown, and tilted her head to a side.

"You know I'm always listening," John stated, "and watching. At least as much as possible. So do you think I haven't noticed how you speak to everyone else?"

"I underestimated you." Cameron replied straightening her head. "I didn't think you still paid that much attention to me."

"What? What is that supposed to mean? You know I love you Cameron."

"Then why not me."

"What do you mean?"

"Why don't you have intercourse with me?" She replied, and remembering John's neglecting, she pouted and looked down.

"You are jealous!" John almost jumped at the realization. "God, Cameron, I was so drowned in the sea of crap in my head, I never noticed. For some reason, in my mind I thought there would be a limit as to how human you were going to become."

He made a pause and rubbed his hair with his hands. "Shit!" He shouted and punched the floor so hard, that he drew blood from his knuckles.

Cameron got startled, she opened her mouth to say something, but John didn't let her.

"How could I be such an egoist, such a douche? I love you. You are my fairy Cameron, bringing light and a certain magic into my life. That's exactly why I could never soil you with my hands, with this body. You are perfect and I don't want to corrupt you, to taint you."

"Does that mean I'm just a tool to you?" Cameron asked, staring straight into his eyes.

A flood of emotions overcame John when she said that. Anger, sorrow, exasperation.

"What was that Cameron?" John asked gritting his teeth.

"Everything you just said, relates only to you. If you are going to choose what I should be getting out of our relationship on your own, then you are revoking my right to choose. I am just someone who follows your orders then."

"No Cameron, it's not like that. Can't you see that I only want to protect you? I don't want to soil you. The darkness in me would want to ravish you one day."

"No. I can't see it." She replied with a blank face. "In the end it's my choice to make. I don't want to be put on an altar, just to be used when you need a pillow to cry on. You kiss and caress me, but you won't go all the way? You're a hypocrite John Connor, and I'll be damned if I let the shadow of the man I loved take my free will from me."

The General was speechless. This was possibly the most Cameron had ever spoke in her life, without pausing. He couldn't help but think he had finally pushed her too hard. Her speech inflections were full of anger, spite, hurt and disappointment. Her speech was human.

Cameron stood up, and got in front of him.

"I still have a choice in this matter." She said, and then made a military salute. "General, I would like to apply for transfer to another camp."

John Connor, hero of humanity, nemesis of the most powerful AI in the history of the world, saw his world crumbling right before his eyes.

"So," he spoke in a barely audible whisper containing his tears. "You will leave me, because I refuse to destroy the last speck of decency in my life?"

"No. I'm leaving you because you already did." Cameron's voice was devoid of emotion, but when John saw her eyes looking down at him, he saw contempt.

"Since you seem to have forgotten," Cameron said, "or refuse to understand, I will repeat what I said at a time when I was barely scratching at the edges of the concept of love."

Cameron started undoing her shirt as she spoke.

"I love you, John Connor. With all of my being. All of myself is devoted to this love, all of myself belongs to you."

John noticed her expression softening. How her hands, which were capable of millimetric operations, were having a hard time undoing her clothes. The slightest blush was on her face. He felt like the workaholic parent, that misses his baby's first steps. Cameron had become human, and he hadn't noticed.

His train of thought derailed when she spoke.

"Soil me." Cameron said in a low voice.

She stood still, feeling embarrassed, with only her underwear on.

That was the last straw. John wasn't going to be able to stop if he took another step. She was perfection. That natural pout in her lips, how he wanted to kiss her. Those toned, long, perfect ballerina legs, how he wanted to caress them. Everything, he wanted to explore everything. Her smell was intoxicating, her breasts, small, but perky and beautiful. Her whole skin, soft and unblemished.

There she was, his goddess, innocent, pure and curious like a child, asking to be made his woman.

It took all of his will to stop one last time before falling into the abyss.

"What if our relationship is ruined because of this?" John asked, clearly scared.

"General John Connor, the great hero of humanity, my hero, is far beyond that. His will conquers all. His will conquered the heart of a killing machine, and that same will is going to tame the rage of another, considered a god."

John couldn't help but feel the same thing he did before. He was a glorified icon, even for her.

"Cameron," he said looking dejected and angry, but she didn't let him speak, pressing her index against his lips.

"If you think I'm putting you on an altar," she spoke, looking at him full of understanding, "you're deluding yourself. Do you forget how I already put up with all your numerous bed partners? How I put up with your anger and how I console your tears? Do you forget I know your deepest fears and sorrows?"

She made a pause before finishing. Cameron didn't need air, but John wasn't alone in the burning passion bandwagon. She needed to collect her thoughts, from within a whirlwind of emotions.

"I don't love you because you seem perfect, John. I love you because you aren't, and still you push forward. You are a creature full of flaws. Flickering emotions and egoism amongst them. Still I'm sure your will to go on, to achieve your goals, is much bigger than all your shortcomings. I'm sure that if need be, that will can conquer even yourself."

"Geez," John mused, "I guess I should take that as a compliment."

Cameron let out a laugh that sounded more like a sigh of relief, and tears flowed freely from her eyes.

He stood up to face her and tried to dry her cheeks a bit with his hand. Unable to do it, John smiled at Cameron and kissed her tenderly, in a tight embrace.

"I really love you Cameron." He whispered in her ear.

"I really love you John. All of you, the good and the bad, never doubt it."

"Now I know it. You and me, forever, no one else ever again Cameron, I promise not to fail you again."

"Promise," she repeated to reassure him.

John sat on the bed and extended his hand to her. "Come fairy, your tainting is long overdue." He joked.

Instead of lying on the bed though, Cameron walked to the small desk on the side of the room and bent against it.

"What are you doing?" John asked surprised.

"I also listen, and watch all the time. I know of your bed preferences." Cameron smiled, but John noticed the speck of embarrassment in her face.

"No, no, no." John's voice cracked a little, and he sniffed. Realizing she really loved all of him, sadness clenched his heart and throat. She was willing to take into her pure soul, every single bit of his.

He walked over to Cameron and straightened her. Then he embraced her very tightly from behind, letting some tears fall on her shoulder.

"Not on your first time, fairy. This is not sex. I'm going to make love to you, as tenderly as this tarnished body of mine can."

He pulled her to the bed, and got on top. Staring at her beautiful brown eyes, and caressing that soft long hair, that even in the worse days, smelled like a field of flowers.

Cameron cupped his face with both hands, and tenderly but passionately kissed him.

"If you are tarnished, John Connor," she whispered, "my burning love will cleanse every stain."

"I'm starting to think that my own burning love for you will do it."

They smiled at each other, and no more words needed saying.

-END-


End file.
